When the Group met this time one girl didn’t want to talk. But everyone cheered, “c’mon!” And so she started, at first nervous giggling and then more serious. By the time she was done everyone was cheering. “That guy is a loser!” In six months of therapy that young lady could never have gotten that from me. Because hearing validation from your peers is priceless. She immediately collapsed into the couch with relief. She was holding in a big lump of anguish over a guy who didn’t care to even communicate his break-up. Why do they do that?
Donna C. Moss has written and traveled and provided articles for the Internet on many topics in mental health. She is an avid hiker, yoga practitioner and swimmer and is married with two children.
Editor: Arman Ahmed
Well this being International Women’s Day or Day Without Women perhaps we should first look at ourselves: why do we let them?
It seems like we have lowered the bar so low for guys that they don’t need to do anything. Yet the pain and suffering of young women who get dropped on a daily basis is palpable. This culture of non communication or minimal or no response must change! I don’t mean that text should go away. I mean that texting to end a relationship should be outlawed; by us. #nomoretextbreakups could be a thing?
It does seem like in the real world you cannot text your boss, hey, I don’t feel like doing this assignment anymore, see ya.
So why should you be able to do it with someone who is an actual real person in your life?
As Sherry Turkle said, text romance leaves out basic intimacy skills that people must learn for mature relationships. Tell the guy you need to talk face to face. Tell him it’s a cop out. Get mad! Talk back and say, text is fine but really? Is this all you’ve got?
“Human relationships are rich and they’re messy and they’re demanding. And we clean them up with technology. And when we do, one of the things that can happen is that we sacrifice conversation for mere connection. We short-change ourselves. And over time, we seem to forget this, or we seem to stop caring.”
My client kept trying to explain that the guy’s behavior wasn’t that bad. The others said, “no way.” It’s not right to leave someone hanging. Edit, retouch, delete, repeat. NO! We need complexity and boys are not so good at that. Connection requires responsibility. If you can’t do it, don’t have a relationship. Don’t hurt my friend, daughter, bestie, or sister. Don’t dub someone without first asking yourself, how will this effect the other person.
Follow these simple benefits of group therapy:
- Universality – we have all had loss, fear, hate, rage, disappointment and messiness. You are not alone!
- Purpose – we have come together in order to feel better about ourselves as women and to stand up to men’s narcissism.
- Friendship and acceptance – solidarity in being with peers for better or for worse in a non-judgmental setting.
- Hope – the idea that no matter how bad things get, there is room for hope with patience and understanding.