When someone has problem in relationship, who will be blamed?
May be the answer is both of them or none of them. Nor is to be faulted, at the same time, both are responsible. Regardless, in each relationship and each circumstance, the responsibility regarding feat and trouble is 50/50. Many people do not like to hear that because it is easier to blame someone else. We heal our ego with the help of these defenses. For a healthy relationship, both persons should know each other’s needs, goals, fears and Boundaries.
You should feel comfortable communicating your honest needs to other person without being afraid of what he/she might do in response. Boundaries are indispensable to healthy relationships. Setting and nourishing boundaries is a skill. Although, many of us don’t learn this skill. Boundaries avert us from becoming co-dependent or making others responsible for our good feelings about ourselves. Solid Boundaries help to give us a clear understanding of what our responsibilities are and are not.
As Dana Gionta, Ph.D, a psychologist and coach said, “We might pick up pointers here and there from experience or through watching others. But for many of us, boundary-building is a relatively new concept and a challenging one”.
The following stuff will help you to build and sustain the boundaries.
- Emotional Awareness: It means how conscious you are of your emotions or feelings. It enables you to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. Emotional awareness is about to know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence. When we are not aware of our feelings it cues that we’re letting go of our boundaries. In relationship mostly we experience the resentments as a result of emotional unawareness. Resentments “come from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.”
It’s often a sign that we’re pushing ourselves beyond our own limits because we feel guilty. You often feel that people take advantage of you. When somebody acts in a manner that makes feel uncomfortable, that is a signal to us they may be damaging or crossing our boundaries. A person with strong boundaries comprehends that a sound relationship is not controlling each other’s feelings, yet rather every person supporting one another in their development and way to self-realization.By understanding your feelings and how to control them, you’re better ready to express how you feel and see how others are feeling. This permits you to express all the more effectively and make more grounded connections, both at work and in your own life.
- Honest Communication: Communication is a significant component in the relationship boundaries. It is also difficult, especially in committed relationships. If what you’re saying isn’t true, then nothing real is being shared. Speak your truth, as much as you are able, with clarity, love and gentleness. Clarity in communication solves the relationship problems. Honest communication shows clear intensions of the person. In relationship boundaries, emotional release is necessary before talking to other person.When somebody communicates from an emotional base, his\her emotions are controlling them. We are more effective if we are calm and clear. We can censor what we think about ourselves. Censorship is also important in relationship boundaries. We are more effective communicators when we censor ourselves. It also helps to make us emotionally intelligent. Honest communication a powerful tool for relationship boundaries.
According to Melody Beattie the following are included in good boundaries:
- Respecting others rights and privacy
- Asking rather expecting ,assuming, demanding or insisting
- Being non-judgmental
- Not pushing our beliefs on others
- Not talking about others behind their backs
- Not assuming we know the facts unless we do
- Not pretending, calling too often, or asking for inappropriate favors
- Doing what we say we will, and saying when plans change
Boundaries are essential to enjoy healthy relationship and they help to avoid unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships.