Blind love is not the way to choose a life partner. There is a right way and the wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. You know, there are lots of problems if one does make a bad decision and marries the wrong person. One fundamental mistake mostly people make is, they don’t ask enough questions, or they ask the wrong questions.
Considering these points will help you understand whether you and he have similar underlying values and whether you'd be getting married for the right reasons or not!
You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married:
The classic mistake, people usually make before marriage. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential.
Beware of the trap “I’m in Love”:
Never get married because you’re in love. If you hear somebody say that they’re thinking of getting married, and you ask them why they’re getting married, most of the time the response that they’ll give is — Well we’re in love. Love can never be the reason for getting married. You need much more to make a decision to marry somebody other than being in love. In my opinion there are four most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness.
- Humility: Somebody who is humble is somebody who accepts criticism. He wants to do the “right thing” rather than “my thing”. He put his values and principles above convenience and personal comfort. He is willing to receive feedback and work on his weaknesses.
- Kindness: Kindness means that you’re a giver… What’s a giver? A giver is someone who is committed to giving someone pleasure and minimizing pain. The question is how can we define that a person is a giver…The answer is if a person is a giver; observe how they treat their family, siblings, parents or friends. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)?
- Responsibility: A responsible person is someone who does all his affairs in a proper way and also manages his relationships, job and status.
- Happiness: A happy person is one who just feels good about himself and good about his life is going to be a happy person.
Men and women have fundamental different generic needs. They have different emotional needs. Do you know what the essential emotional need of a woman is, and the essential emotional need of a man is? The answer is the fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved, and the fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected.
To make a woman feel loved give her the three A’s which are… Attention, Affection, & Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three R’s… Respect, Reassurance, & Relief. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive. And both parties need to be aware of the emotional needs of each other.