Experiencing guilt is as normal as experiencing other emotions, people usually feel guilt when they did something wrong or unethical. When someone feels guilt on his act, he finds himself helpless to forgive on his deed. It seems that people often forgive others on their bad behaviors but they are not ready to forgive one. The matter of consideration is that whether person feels guilt, is true or false. Having guilt doesn’t prove that that person really did something immoral. It is not necessary that what we feeling of guilt are always being true. As an individual we all have the capability to make ourselves worthwhile even though our guilt is true or morally transgress. Feeling of guilt becomes strong when shame internalize as a codependent. We feel shame for our bad behaviors that is not acceptable for us in any way, in result frequent unrelenting false guilt may arise.
Miss Afreen Naseem completed M.Phil from Institute of Clinical Psychology. After completion of study she worked at Pakistan Institute of Learning and Living as a Research Assistant/Clinical Psychologist. Her skills are in the domain of Psychotherapy Psychological and IQ assessment, Interview and History Taking, skilled in Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Rational Emotive Behavioral therapy and Family therapy.
Editor: Wakeel Murad
Codependency and False Guilt
Co dependents are easily manipulated because they show willingness to accept the blame of other people, they are the victim who always ready to take the negative outcomes of any circumstances on their shoulders and feel guilt on it. Most of them were experienced abuse in the past, they are adjust in the role of victim, they feel comfortable in their character rather than to raise voice for themselves. They have a fear in their mind, if they stand against their love one then result will be end of the relationship or might have to bear anger which make situation even much worst. They prefer to take blame and feel guilt and shame on their own part rather to make realization to their love one. Therefore, they are always being apologetic to maintain peaceful environment but internally they feel dissatisfy. In addition, they neglect their views and opinion to keep their love one happy; they release their feeling of guilt by doing negative self talk. They usually feel guilty for not reaching up to the level of perfection and unrealistic ideals set by others. Their guilt become overwhelms when negative, lustful and socially unacceptable thoughts and feelings occur in their mind. These codependents are strictly adhering to the moral perfectionism and actively monitoring their thoughts and feelings. People become obsessed religiously and feel obliged to perform it on time. Generally codependents repress their feeling of anger and frustration in order to endorse love and kindness among relationships. But they don’t aware that as much as they suppress their natural negative feelings, the more it will be problematic for them to manage all the time.
Feeling responsible of others behaviors is the another source of false guilt. Codependents have a habit to feel guilty for those things which is not in their control and they can’t make changes in circumstances that arises conflicts among others. These people unable to stop themselves in taking responsibilities of others actions and behaviors, feeling of anxiousness is very common when they feel difficulty in handling situation. The abuser gets benefit most of the time by blaming of their actions and behavior to their codependents because they know that victim will not show power to stand against them. For example, an addict can easily put all the blame of his addiction to his wife uncooperative attitude or blame outside forces to get him involves in addiction. People who have features of narcissistic and borderline personality usually use projection of blame to shift responsibility to their codependents and fulfill their needs. Moreover, codependents don’t need to be blames by others; they are the one who are ready to take the responsibility of being guilty. They neglect their needs and wants and try to please others in every scenario. They don’t show courage to free from others responsibilities and feels difficulty saying No to someone who take benefit of their kindness.