Letting go and Forgiveness is interlinked with your feelings to let go of anger. To let go you need to fully feel the emotion. On the contrary people usually try to ignore or suppress anger which then manifests in some other way. You need to honestly and exactly embrace the anger that you’re are feeling, to fully face the experience and know what has exactly happened due to which you feel angry.
Giving yourself sometime or a rent window of at least a day before solving the issue makes you think clearly and not jeopardize your problem further due to your clouded judgment at that time due to anger. Meanwhile do certain things that make you calm and happy. Emotions should be in the background so you can concentrate on the topic. Keep telling yourself anger will only hurt you and cause damage to you and not to anyone else; it’s a lose-win deal.
When your emotions are now it’s the time to give feed back to the person who has hurt you in order to make him realize how the event has affected you and how you are feeling. Feedback should be on what has happened and emotions should not cloud your judgement at this time making you drift away from the topic or feedback. Here is a basic point to consider; when we give feedback to anyonewe expect certain results when we give feedback. For example we expect
- An apology
- People to realize what they have done from our perspective
- A gurantee that it will not happen again
These expectations can distract us from giving feedback and can make us even more resented if these expectations are not being fulfilled. You need to take responsibility of giving of offender and what they do with the feed back is entirely up to them. Accept that you have only control on your reactions and no one else’s. Analyze the situation and see what different you can do. Work on yourself always as opposed to thinking the other person should or would change. Even when matters get solved see what you can change in yourself. Empathize in the offender’s position to clearly understand their objective.
Here are some techniques to solve the anger issue:
- Metaphorically throw your anger away. Example imagine tennis balls as the person who hurt you and throwing them away or hitting them against a wall reinforces you to believe that the issue is solved or pain gets less.
- Punch something or shout out aloud a lot will help disperse the anger making you calm down a bit.
- Wearing a rubber band on your wrist for when you get angry so that just rotating he rubber band you realize you’re getting angry.
You have three options to remove anger within yourself:
- Keep a distance from the situation which is making you angry (angrysituations).
- Change a situation for example at home with your wife, parent’s etcetra.
- Accept it and try to manage it.