Resentment is a self devastating human emotion felt as a result of wrong done by other person, interestingly that wrong done can be real or just imagined. It is a bad feeling towards a person felt again and again in our mind.
“Resentment Is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”, says Carrie Fisher.
here we ought to understand the difference between anger and resentment. Anger is a normal human emotion and as long as we express it in a positive way , it stays normal. The problem begins when the anger ‘persists’, and we relive it again and again in our mind long after the original hurt happened. At this point it becomes resentment. There is a perception that resentment is not intended, rather spontaneous. In fact it’s a human choice to forgive or choose not to let go. We sow seeds of hatred and anger in our minds. We water it every day by reliving those angry thoughts. One day that seed turns into a deep rooted tree.
Resentment if unresolved, can affect a person in multi dimensions. When we relive anger towards a person it can turn into hatred. It can have more long-term effects like developing hostility towards someone. Resentments can cause disturbance in other relationships too, our loved ones who may not even be part of the equation are emotionally involved as we are unable to turn off our negative emotions. Most devastating of all, it can halt our emotional and personal growth, we experience difficulty in trusting others, Our mind gets occupied with all the negative feelings and most of our ‘time and energy’ get drained in such feelings, we don’t get time to develop ourselves, consequently we lose self-confidence.
Learning to let go can seem like a difficult process but in fact it is not too tedious. The first step is to recognize that the painful event or spiteful memory is in fact over, it is a feature of the past and is no longer able to harm us. In fact it can only harm us if we continue to hold on to it. We must recognize that it is we, who scratch the slowly healing wound ourselves and prevent it from fully healing every time. The next step is to naturally realize that this anger or resentment is paradoxically harming only ourselves and to be able to accept our hurt or heartbreak is in fact a well needed balm in order to start the healing process. Another little known tactic is to realize that when put in perspective any hurtful feelings or resentments we harbor for someone are only a small part of our world. Let it shrink in importance, let it lose value, let is lose its power to hurt us
By letting go of the resentment we are not doing good to the person we resent, but rather, we are doing good to ourselves.
“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody's power and is not easy,” says Aristotle.