STOP BEING REACTIVE
Co dependents start reacting urgently and impulsively in a way that hurts them and others too. They keep themselves all the time in crises mode. They jump into the first feeling that comes their way and then wallow in it. They think that the first thought that has come to their minds is the final thought and they quickly act according to it.
What to do?
We don’t have to forfeit our peace, our power to think and feel for anyone or anything, take the things so seriously, take other’s behaviors as reflections of our self worth, take rejection as a reflection of our self worth, take things so personally, take little things personally either, react. We need to enjoy various options.
There are certain suggestions which can help when you are feeling reactionary.
- Learn to identify when you are reacting.
- Make yourself relaxed
- Examine what happened.
- Figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself.
If you can’t get peaceful about a decision, let it go. It’s not time to make it yet. Wait until your mind is consistent and your emotions are calm.
TAKE YOUR OWN TIME AND SET YOUR SELF FREE
Co dependents love to control.
They nag, lecture, scream, holler, cry, beg, bribe, hover over, protect, accuse, chase after in the alleys, demonstrate how much they have been hurt, hurt people, supervise, dictate, condemn, pray for miracles, drag out of counseling, go to places they don’t like, beat on chest and threaten to kill, write letters to, stay awake till night, give ultimatums, reuse to do things for, bargain with, provoke, talk mean about, command, insist, keep calling and many other behaviors.
By showing all these behaviors, we are not setting ourselves free to do our own life routine matters. In order to get out of the trap of controlling others co-dependents need to follow certain strategies.
- Stop trying to make the impossible the possible.
- Control is a fantasy.
- We cannot change the people.
- Detach and surrender.
GET OUT OF THE VICTIM ROLE
Co-dependents are caretakers and rescuers. They rescue, maltreat and feel being victimized. Co-dependents take care of people’s responsibilities for them. Later they get mad at them for what they have done. Then they feel as if they are being used and sorry for themselves. This is how the triangular pattern goes on.
Rescuing and caretaking are connected to enabling which means the destructive from of helping others. By being the caretaker, they try to out give the God and they put themselves aside. By taking the full responsibilities of others and clearing up the mess created by them, they start neglecting their own self and finally think that they are being victimized.