What to do?
- Learn to recognize the behaviors of caretaking and rescuing.
- Say no to rescue.
- Refuse to let people rescue us.
- Take responsibility for ourselves and let others do the same.
- Change the attitude about ourselves and others.
- Gracefully acknowledge our limitations and declare them.
Following ideas may help:
- Finish and resolve childhood businesses. Figure out how childhood experiences are affecting our current performance.
- Take care of and appreciate that frightened, vulnerable, needy child inside us.
- Stop looking for happiness in other people, its inside us.
- We can learn to depend on ourselves. We can depend on God, too. He is there and He cares. Our spiritual beliefs can provide us with a strong sense of emotional security.
- Strive for independence. Rule out the ways we are dependent on others emotionally and financially.
GET YOUR OWN TRACK
Some of the codependents think a life with no future, no purpose, no great shakes and no great breaks isn’t worth living. In order to live our own life we need to emphasize on self care:
What is self care?
- It is a mind-set towards us and our lives that says, I am incharge of myself’. I am responsible for leading my own life. I am responsible for nurturing my spiritual, emotional, physical and financial well being. I am responsible to set and achieve my own goals. I give worth to my wants and needs. I don’t deserve and will not tolerate abuse or constant maltreatment. I have rights and it is my responsibility to assert others.
- It is an attitude of mutual respect. It means learning to live on our own.
- Taking care of ourselves is not being selfish as some people believe it is, but neither is it as self-sacrificing as many codependents think.
Being codependents we don’t like the way we look. We don’t love ourselves. We think we are stupid, unskilled, incompetent and in many cases not loveable. This all shows the low self esteem. In order to boost up the self esteem, we need to respect our self.
Honoring oneself means:
- To be willing to know not only what we think but also what we feel, want, need, desire, suffer over.
- To keep an attitude of self acceptance
- To live genuinely
- To speak and act from our deepest convictions and feelings.
- To refuse to accept undeserved guilt.
- To be devoted to our right to exist.
- To be in love with our own life.