If You Want To Save Your Marriage, These Are the Four People You Should Never Be
I’ve had my fair share of unsuccessful relationships. Now, in a wonderful relationship with the mother of my children, a woman who inspires me to be the best man I can be, I can look back and see many of my mistakes, in this relationship and relationships past. In the treatment center, I see others come in with ruined relationships. Sometimes they can be put back together. Other times, they can’t. One thing I have learned is that there are four types of people you don’t want to be in your marriage. If you are displaying these traits and want to save your marriage, seek the help of a good psychotherapist now.
Richard Taite is founder and CEO of Cliffside Malibu, offering evidence-based, individualized addiction treatment based on the Stages of Change model. He is also co-author of the book Ending Addiction for Good.
Editor: Saad Shaheed
- The Abuser – It’s obvious to say that you should never raise your hand to your significant other, but there are many ways to abuse a person that do not involve overt physical violence. Calling your partner names, talking down to him/her, belittling – these are all forms of abuse. Your job in a relationship is to be an encouragement and support. If you disrespect your partner to the point that you feel the need to cut him/her down, the relationship is doomed.
- The Manipulator – We all want to get our way now and again, but if you find yourself unable to get what you want without manipulating your partner, there is an underlying problem in the relationship. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to honestly ask for what you need and negotiate priorities. Sometimes you’ll get what you want and sometimes another priority will take precedence. Withholding affection or sex, or using them as negotiation tools, are forms of manipulation.
- The Sugar Mommy/Daddy – A form of manipulator, if you happen to be the major breadwinner in the family, you should not use this economic power as a form of manipulation. Countless people have stayed in atrocious, abusive relationships because they have no means of financial support if they leave their abuser. If you’re not willing to share your finances, don’t get married. Be transparent and fair in all your financial dealings with your partner.
- The Cheater – Infidelity is a choice. It doesn’t just “happen” the way some people claim. If you find your eye wandering, that’s the time to start working on your relationship, to figure out what is missing or unfulfilling to the point that you’re thinking of going outside the relationship to get your intimate and/or emotional needs met. Many times, the relationship has changed. Children may have been added to the mix, pulling your spouse’s attention from you. Make time to be together, alone, for romantic interactions. Remind yourself of the reasons you love your spouse and married him/her in the first place.
If you recognize your behavior in any of these profiles and you want to save your marriage, seek help, both individual and couples counseling, immediately. A good marriage is worth fighting for.