Written by:
Amina Javed

There had been many people who believe that get angry or annoyed with your partner is indication of love and it strengthen your romantic relationship too. It is not the absolute case, not every couple who fights indulge in love making and some even don’t fight. There have been many couples who go through emotional disturbances but at the end they indulge in love making and their desire to love each other increases. However, such couples are not many in numbers, because usually when a partner is angry or fight with each other their desire to become intimate decreased.

Amina Javed is working as Clinical Psychologist at Willing Ways, Lahore. In 2015, she completed her MS in clinical psychology, from Centre Clinical Psychology, University of the Punjab, Lahore. In 2013, she did her BS in Clinical Psychology, University of the Punjab, Lahore.

Editor: Haroon Christy

 As a psychologist and couple therapist, I have observed that mostly couples don’t have satisfactory intimate relationship. Mostly, relationships work single sided and thus creating troubles, one person in couple might come and wanted to solve the problem by some mean. Sometimes, couple come together to sort out the issues between them.

While talking to couples, their marital relationship is inquired and if one of them identify any specific thing that causes the coldness between them. That help in working on that specific issues, such as improving their skills or time management and how to improve time management during intimate relationship. It also happens that, many couples reported that everything is fine but still there is no desire, it is also big trouble that hinders and damages the relationship.

Then there is need to assess whether this lack of desire is just with his or her partner or with anyone. So it is usually found that lack of desire affect overall and they did not want to get intimate with anyone not just with their own partner. When it is asked to couples that at which thing you are angry with your partner, they usually say we are not, but in actual it is so clear that they had suppressed anger that after few questions, it started spilling out. They started talking about all the resentments they had over the years or months or days.

It is not just one thing that affect the relationship but there had been many such incidents that lead to develop resentments and thus affect the romantic life of couples. When we talk about anger, they deny it initially because many small events disturbs them and they try to rationalize them but not resolve them. This suppression leads to resentment, anger and frustration which ultimately increases the negative emotions and decreases the positive or healthy emotions.

If there would be one reason then usually couples resolves them at their own but in real there is list of events. When they suppress their real feelings and develop expectations about something that their partner will understand about it by themselves and when their expectations are broke they ended up heart broken and thus started becoming alienated from their romantic partner. Usually, communication gap is one major factor in deteriorating the relationship.