I just love writers.

It probably helps that I am a writer (which also perhaps makes me just the teensiest bit biased), but it is more than that.

Writers tackle and write about tough subjects I need to learn about.

When they do this, I don’t have to do all that research and, well, writing, myself.

I can just read their books, learn, and be done with it.

In the case of a book by writer Susan Quilliam called “How to Choose a Partner,” I don’t even have to read the whole book to get the benefit of her hard work.

I can just read the recent synopsis in Time magazine to realize that every partner I have ever had was an excellent choice. 

Here is why I say this.

According to Susan, we shouldn’t look for “the one” we can live with “happily ever after.”

Rather, she suggests, we should look for a partner who will help us improve ourselves.

In other words, if we are growing now and we think we will still be growing in the future as a result of partnering with the other person, then we have found a good candidate.

Looking back on my 2+ decades of dating to date, I can happily state with total truthfulness that every partner I have ever dated has caused significant self improvement.

For some of those, I believe I am still improving….and every day from here forward that we are not together represents another forward step in my personal potential for self-evolution.

So while I’m not sure Ms. Quilliam will be able to help me locate a source of long-lasting romantic happiness (especially since she reminds her readers that some people “are just happier alone”), I am completely convinced she has already made me feel better about every single one of my past romantic choices.

I feel so much better, in fact, that I feel almost as good as I imagine I might feel if I finally found “the one.”


Today’s Takeaway: When looking back on your romantic history, so to say, what is your takeaway from your previous relationships? Do you see those people as mentors and feel predominantly grateful for what they taught you? Or are you still busy ensuring you have blocked all your exes on Facebook? What do you think of Ms. Quilliam’s theory about the true value of romantic connection?