Forgiveness is such a powerful tool that sets you free from destructive emotions of hate, anger and resentments. No forgiveness directly hits our peace, joy and relaxation and thus it pollutes each and every relationship resulting in a changed, no so acceptable personality. An important point to mention here is that not forgiving has a direct physical outcome in the form of headaches, back spasms, disturbed sleeps and heart attacks.

haroon-charistySo to help your own self it’s important to get yourself updated with the moral high grounds (‘It refers to the status of being respected for remaining moral, and adhering to upholding a universally recognized standard of justice and goodness’) and by forgiving others. This way you set yourself free from the revolting emotions. It is important to understand here that forgiveness is all about your own being, it has nothing to do with others. Thought it’s true what happened and the pain you had received is irreversible but staying at the same point and not moving forward is totally your own choice. Hence make a right move forward, there is no need to cry over split milk. 

Forgiveness is a power whose ownership belongs  to you but if you don’t practice it rightly you eventually hand over that to others. There is no standard recovery time from grief and pain as it varies from person to person and situation to situation. Most of the times the best way is to mindfully put on the effort and get the issue resolved. It’s like telling yourself ‘ I am going to get myself pulled away from this loop of anger’ Always remember wrong investments results in loss. When you don’t forgive someone you are actually doing wrong investments and thus at the end of the day you will lose. You can’t change your past but what you can do is to change your paradigm. Bring peace to yourself and rather than looking forward to others for support, be your own supporter.

Well the major question is why it is so difficult for us to forgive someone? The first major reason is anger, for most of us it is difficult to separate ourselves from our anger and thus we tightly keep close our anger with our beings. Secondly we all want justice and we rationalize it by not forgiving the other person is what justice means to us. Thirdly we usually want to punish the other person and if there is no punishment than that means letting the other person free and thus no place to ventilate anger. Fourthly we always look forward to what we believe ‘Tit for Tat’ policy that is equivalent retaliation and by not forgiving we make it equal from our end. Fifthly our ego, that the other person hasn’t apologized and thus he does not deserve to be forgiven – No Forgiveness. Sixthly when someone displays wrongness we start believing that they are habitual of doing so and even forgiving them will not work. So not forgiving will be a better option.

Types of forgiveness

There are basically three types of forgiveness:

  • Exoneration
  • Forbearance
  • Release

Exoneration: In simple words, when we say exoneration it means to forgive the way we usually expect- Forgive & Forget.  It’s like a clean white board with nothing written on it resulting in maintaining the sanity of the relationship. Usually exoneration is applied in situations where a genuine accident takes place such as the fault cannot be assigned to anyone or when someone unintentionally continues to hurt you and whom you love much, you eventually forgive or the person who hurt you is genuinely sorry and takes on the responsibility without communicating any justification and asks for forgiveness in lieu of not repeating it again. 

Forbearance:  It is situation when the wrongdoer makes half apology accompanied with an excuse blaming other that they are equally responsible for what has happened and they alone cannot be blamed. In case a relationship matters to you, forbearance is considered a wise choice. Usually a particular offense is kept under the limits and is not related to other events. In this element of revenge is also kept suppressed accompanied with maintaining watchfulness – Forgive but not forget or Trust but verify. Overall Forbearance is applied where the other party is not just right but is important to you.

Release: Release involves events that are most challenging and are of extreme nature for example: Victim of child abuse, rape victims, cheated by a partner and many more extreme situations. Such situation does demand neither exoneration nor forbearance rather it advises not hurting yourself by thinking about it over and over again. Release your thought and move on in life. Make you mind free of all the negative thoughts and the trauma that took place in your life.

In a nutshell, as said by Alexander Pope “To Err is human … to forgive divine”