I was in a high mood. Feeling on top of the world. The weather was fantastic and I was listening to my most favorite music accompanied with my favorite cup of coffee. The whole day was well planned and I was so looking forward to this relaxing weekend. In micro seconds everything turned into dump when I bumped into someone who owns an asset of a bad attitude and I was under that spell. The remote control of my life is now maneuvered by someone else and so do my mood. My energy turned down and I was in low spirits.
Many of us go through such situations on daily basis but we lack the skill of dealing with Toxic people. Recognizing and dealing with such people is the art that you will learns through this article but let us first learn to recognize Toxic people:
- Basic characteristics of the Toxic people
Toxic people usually depict anxious energy often accompanied with anger or sadness. Such people are usually found to be in a constant complaining mode. Another trait of toxic people is clinginess which is a form of dependency and the root cause lies in damaged self-esteem. Criticism and negative or cynical worldview are often reported as being the traits of such people.
- Guess game of identifying which shade of the personality you are dealing with
Toxic people have different versions of their personality, at one day you will find them in the best of moods but the very other day a change in attitude will be observed. In such situation you will usually find yourself pleasing such people and caring and making them happy. An important point to mention here is that toxic people well before time can recognize the nice decent people extending extraordinary lengths to keep them happy.
- Manipulative in Nature
Toxic people are manipulative in nature and always send signals that you owe them something thus making you feel guilty. In case when they hurt you than then they manipulate in such a smart way showing all they have is love and affection for you.
- Poor Listeners
Toxic people are poor listeners and have narcissistic personality. All their conversations move around their own thoughts, feelings and actions resulting in listening half-heartedly with motorized thoughts and false mumbling.
- Project their feelings and thoughts onto you
Toxic people lack the ability to own their feeling rather they look forward to handover it to someone else known as projection. For example a typical toxic person will be angry but he/she will not take the responsibility but will accuse you for being angry with them. In such situation you will mostly find yourself in a defending and justifying mode. If such situation happens more often and you find yourself in justifying and defending mode more than you are into being projected onto.
- Always there for you in crisis but never in happy moments
Toxic people always find a reason to ruin your happy moments. For example if it’s a promotion than they will induce in your mind that the pay rise is not enough. If you are going on a holiday they will make sure to tell you something negative about it e.g. ‘oh, it’s going to be really cold there’. Be that whatever, toxic people make sure to turn the happy moment into an unhappy moment.
- Toxic people smartly blend of non-toxic words with the toxic tone
Toxic people use words which are innocent but the tone depicts all. A very basic communication segregation into verbal and non-verbal shows so: 7% spoken words, Tone of voice 38% and Non-verbal 55%.
- Champions in exaggeration
Toxic people are champions in exaggerating things. Use of words like ‘you never’ or ‘you always’ is quite common. They always drag you in arguments and you always lose. Hence the lesson learnt is not dragging yourself into arguments because you can’t win and neither you need to be a winner.
As by now we have learnt how to recognize toxic people, this part of the article will help you learn how to deal with such people.
- Always set boundaries and maintain distance whenever necessary.
- Don’t expect or demand any action or instant change in toxic people after suggesting feedback.
- Fight or Flight? Always save your energy to be used wisely. When in battling with toxic people always manage your emotions well.
- Be a master of your own happiness.
- Never forget what a malefactor has done to you and use that learning to keep yourself safe in future.
- Practice empathy
- Surround yourself with people who are supportive and willing to help when in difficulty. Toxic people are usually headstrong and dealing with them drains your energy, hence surround yourself with a strong support system.
- Positivity, creativity and proactivity work as a strong shield when battling with toxic people. Hence in order to achieve these three and to manage your stress levels a good amount of sleep plays a vital role.
- Focus on solutions rather problems
- Getting aware of your own being can help maintain an emotional distance.
- Never indulge yourself in victim role.
- Negativity pulls down, hence keep yourself positive and rise above negativity.
- Never be judgmental.
- Practice compassion but only the realistic one.
- Practice assertiveness while telling the other person how you feel.