When we talk about relationships, these are sometimes by choice and sometimes they are inherent e.g. those blood relationships or family relations. Those relationships which are built by choice as the person becomes mature enough to make those choices are somewhat different than those blood relationships. A love relationship is one of those kinds. But love is one of those concepts which is not understood fully by the people. Most of the people confuse their relationships with Love which are rather categorized as lust, addiction, or obsession. Many people struggle hard in their relationships and they verbalize it as they extremely love each other so they can’t live without their partner, or can’t bear the hurt given by their partner. This kind of relationship can be categorized as something else but not at all a loving relationship. It is noteworthy that love and lust can together be a part of a relationship likewise obsession can supplement a love or addictive relationship and the four can be the sole characteristic of a relationship as well. Therefore, it is very important to understand these type of relationships separately.
Mehwish Mursaleen is MPhil in Clinical Psychology and pursuing her PhD in similar field from Institute of Clinical Psychology, University of Karachi. She has provided mental health services to people having different psychological problems coming from different age groups and backgrounds. Her research work is based on IQ, Emotional Intelligence, Academic achievement and Aggression in adolescents. She also has published case studies on CBT for depression and panic disorder. Her interests are in the areas of counselling, psychotherapy, and psychological assessment.
Editor: Wakeel Murad
Love & Lust:
Let’s talk about how our psychological, neural and emotional processes work while a person develops a need to create a relationship with the attraction figure. This feeling of likeness activates some chemicals in the brain called neurotransmitters which excite the willingness to become near and intimate to that person. A sense of infatuation reaches to the peak so that the reality becomes distorted. The person starts fantasizing about and idealizing the person so that all he thinks, perceives and believes is highly positive. Those who say they fell in first sight love go through similar emotional processes. This idealization and passion will be normal unless it is excessive or takes your whole day to fantasize. You can differentiate love from lust by comparing the requirements both of the conditions have.
In love you want to spend more time with your partner, talk about their interests and try to understand their problems of life. Being romantic and making love with your partner is only a part of the relationship, not the entire relationship is based on it. Whereas in lust, the whole story revolves around satisfying sexual needs and then you don’t even want to be longer with that person. It is solely based upon the need for sex or expecting to be physical or romantic with the partner. You never feel concerned about satisfying the person’s other needs, desires and wishes in life. All of your daydreams revolve around erotic fantasies, physical characteristics, beauty or looks of partner.