Written by:
Hira Shahid

Have you ever witnessed a perfectionist getting disturbed at the sight of cookie crumbs?  It creates unrest in the whole body.  Hands feel an itch, a shiver runs through the arteries & the muscles finally feel tensed to pick them up and clean the whole mess like there was never the aroma of a cookie or even a presentation.  If anyone noticed, there is a relationship between the cookie and the crumb.  The crumbs are a part of the cookie or as I believe the essence! They’re not to be wasted or sent away.

Hira Shahid is working as a Clinical Psychologist in Willing Ways, Lahore since April 2017. She has done B.A Honors in English Literature with a minor in Psychology from Kinnaird College, Lahore. She did M.Sc in Clinical and Counseling Psychology from Beaconhouse National University, Lahore. She has done MS in Clinical and Counseling Psychology, Lahore.

Editor: Haroon Christy

He arrives home, exhausted.  May be he was stressed because of an intense meeting that could have gone well otherwise, an uptight conversation with a co-worker about a situation, and unsurprisingly heavy traffic on the way home, he enters the house with a grin, slams the door of his room, takes a deep breath and turns on his favorite show.  All he wants to do is stay in the realm of silence.  

Who knew the silence was meant to be broken.  He hears the door open, his wife walks in, senses the tension in the room takes a moment and says to herself, ‘what a beautiful weather!’  He heard it, it did pass through his ears but did he give a response? Did he show he cares about the weather as much as she does? Or did he show that he knows she knows but he cannot let his silence get interrupted now.  What should be his move? The answer matters way more than we think.

John Gottman spent years studying and writing about relationships.  What he concluded or discovered was feasible and important because it works!  His research tells us that he has been successful in identifying what practices and behaviors make a couple masters of their relationship and what can turn this relationship into a disaster.  It solely relies on us, how we perceive it? How we implement it? He found a delicate yet significant difference between the makers of relationships, those who master it and those who destroy it.  In those small instances, where a couple is engaged in a relationship, relationship masters respond more affirmatively towards their partner’s attempts to connect with them.