Codependency is a problem that causes individuals to lose themselves in relationships. Codependents disregard their feelings, needs, and problems while obsessing on the feelings, needs, and problems of others. They possess an inflated sense of responsibility for others and struggle with sustaining healthy boundaries. Thus, they endure relationships as stressful and frequently experience from anxiety, depression, guilt, and resentment.
It is also well-known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often keep relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first recognized about ten years ago as the result of years of examining interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. In this article we are going to discuss the significant causes of codependency.
The key reason after such a problem is frequently a dysfunctional family, in which the codependent was raised in an abnormal manner. Codependency is born of growing up in dysfunctional surroundings. Family dysfunction arises when overwhelmed parents are incapable to meet the emotional needs of their children to a significant level over a significant period of time. The main point is this: when parents turn into chronically overwhelmed by problems, the mental health of their children can be affected, sometimes resulting in codependency.
Low Self Esteem
Lack of self esteem can effect in an intense need of approval of relationship. This need for approval generally results in codependency. Children of dysfunctional families come to believe they are legally responsible for the problems of others, particularly those of their parents. As a result they develop the issues of low self-esteem, believing themselves to be incompetent or undeserving of love because they have failed their troubled parents.
Families that make codependents lean to focus greatly on perfection, or at least the appearance of perfection. They try to stick to rigid rules perfectly and holding other people to high standards can be destructive on relationships. Families that are enmeshed can be just as damaging as those that are too detached. Families that have too strict rules are as similarly destructive as families that are chaotic.
Co-dependency Runs in Family
Co dependent behaviors are passed on from generation to generation, continuing a vicious cycle. Codependency is a learned behavior, most frequently passed down through families; you learned it as a skill to cope. You did not do anything wrong — but, as an adult, it is an inadequate and eventually ineffective way to deal in relationships.
Unmet Emotional Needs
The premise is that we each have a reservoir for love (or love tank) inside us. If our love tank has not been filled by the “significant others” in our lives, we will not have our emotional needs met; we will, therefore, develop into a codependent.
Codependents are kind persons who are very stressed from carrying the burden of the world on their shoulders. The good news is that codependency is very treatable. Therapy with codependents entails teaching self-care skills, and most significantly, influencing them they are not selfish or in danger for choosing to take care of themselves. You can learn how to take care of yourself, which will lead to healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.